As for you

As for you

You came into my life like a lightning bolt

just one moment and things have changed

you fed my rebellious side

i needed something

for i was left behind from the footsteps of old friends

i thought you could help me grow stronger in what i lack

your words hurt less and less over time

was i getting stronger? or am i getting weaker?

or maybe im just plain stupid

but yet i stayed around

i needed something

there were times i almost walked out

but those were the times you drug me back in

no one ever drug me back

i felt wanted, needed

you said you liked me, you cared for me

but words only go so far

i keep telling myself this has been drug out long enough

what am i waiting for?

someone to save me?

As for you
you remind me of myself

you act silly when we should be serious

you are kind, you are kind to eveyone

i said your just a friend, only a friend

i was intimidated by someone who is more crazy than myself

now something flipped

at least i think so

we say we need to go our own ways

yet talk nonsense for the next hour

you understand my humor

most people don't seem to

although you don't know much of my past

i know you'd still care anyway

your different

but will i always see you as just a crazy friend?

As for you...

what can i say

you've reserved a space in my mind

for truly you were one of a kind

some days are easy

some days are hard

some days i just want to call you up and catch up

its been a while since we've talked

but i can't do that

cause' i know it will make it hurt all over again

you'd think its been a long enough time

when will it be long enough?

i hope you know im trying

we all gotta do things we don't want to do sometimes

but i'm trying

If there will never be the day

You come into my mind like an guest.

Don't find it to my surprise that you showed up.

You visit about every day- you stay- could be all day.

You stay and we talk nothing but the memories, the good ol' days.

We talk about it every day.

There's a pause. What now?

What about all the times ahead, what about them?

Silence.

Then you leave, but I know you'll be back tomorrow.

You'll be back visiting my mind again.

Reminiscing about the past like we always do.

Every day is something new.

I'm afraid to ask again, wondering what you'll say.

I want to talk about times ahead, would there ever be the day?

I like it when you visit my thoughts, but I know you can't forever stay.

If there will never be the day.


by~me

He's still working on me

After a day like today, a childhood song popped into my head....

"There really ought to be a sign upon the heart,
Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part.
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands."

 

"He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me."

 

At one moment you think that God's taking a break from you. Like alrighty, you learned your lesson, I'll be back in a few weeks to check up on ya and we can go from there.

Thats not how it is...

God may work in you in unexpected times and ways, but there is no way He ever leaves our side!

Just when I think this is the path God has me on, He picks me up and puts me on a new one. He's the Master of my life, so I don't complain or ask why.

You just gotta say, "Yes Lord!" and go on living how God wants you too.

I love the thought that throughout our Christian lives we face trials of sorts, hardships, and things we never thought God would put in our lives, and yet He does it because He wants us to grow in Him and work on our hearts. He will never stop working on us. Not until the day we come home to be with Him. It makes trials simply seem like a blessing because they're from Him! 

Its hard to put that into consideration, but very encouraging to think about it!

I've screwed up a lot recently it seems.. bridges burned, things that should of been left unsaid, and roads that shouldn't of been taken. But with Gods patience and love, the screw ups turned into lessons learned.

 

Sail through the changing ocean tides

Ever really realize how much things change?

like... just everything! friends, goals, dreams, and mostly ourselves.

seems like there are very few things that stay the same anymore.

maybe there comes a time when you realize who you really want to be in this life.

there would be questions and wonder, but after enough lessons learned.. i think we finally know.

Heck, maybe even after we feel like we know what we want, things just change again.

Recently I feel like I've been hit by the "Change Bus", and yes I made that up... 

All within a short amount of time, my friends change, my dreams change, and I change. 

Its like a snowball affect i think... one change just leads to another.

Fact is, nothing earthly stays the same. I wonder often how the rest of my life is going to turn out due to this. 

I used to think I wanted to settle down at an early age. I was on the path for that at one point too.

You know, get married, do husband and wifely things, and have kiddos.

That was my dream and the things I thought about most during my day...

my confidence was in it, I knew its what I wanted.

then God changed my plans for me again.

Now... 

I don't even think of those things anymore. Like what kind of wedding i want, or how many kids I'm gonna have, and all that. I prefer not to think of it either. I'm not even optimistic about getting married one day anymore. 

Although this has been the change in me now, I hope this one doesn't stay.

But now I've been dying for the feeling of independence.

I feel like I have a lot recently.. I don't even like to ask anyone for help. If I'm gonna do something, I usually always like to do it on my own.

All I want to do anymore is go on road trips, drive new places on my own, meet up with long lost friends, and just feel free.

One thing on my bucket list was to learn to ride a motorcycle. Before I kind of held it off. But now I'm signed up for a motorcycle safety class and taking steps towards my dream of riding a motorcycle around the country!! *ahhhhh* just love the thought of it.

My mind goes off somewhere unexplainably happy when I'm driving on the interstate, riding my bike on a trail, running somewhere, or even a plane ride. 

I love the feeling of travel. I wish I could do it 24/7.

But at the moment, I don't get to as much as I'd like... Oh the responsibilities of life...

In the long run of this random talk of change. I'm reminded and glad to know there is one thing that never changes...

GOD!!!

He will always love me the same, He doesn't go back on His promises, and is still the same yesterday, today, and forever. PRAISE!! 

Hes not gonna say "Sammy, I just don't love you anymore."

I know I can still always count on Him to be there, and know He will stay there for me.

No matter how much I change.

Find out who your friends are

Whats been on my mind...

Lately, I've been thinking about how people interpret other peoples actions. How they judge them, or wrong them without even really asking the person to their face the truth or their thoughts and feelings.

nope...

they just judge and gossip and gossip to rumors and rumors to all your "friends" talking crap about you behind your back.

It's not a great feeling..

Whatever was there just feels fake anymore.

You do what you can to occupy time and avoid it.

 Try to forget about the "good ol' days" and "friends till the end"

its over... so you get over it...

There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will.

"wanna see who your real friends are? Screw up and see who sticks around for you!"

that's a quote that's very simple and is definitely true come to find out.

I'm not gonna sit around and mope about this, surely I'm not. Because I know I can learn from this.
God has His own special ways of teaching me new things.

And from that, there is Joy and Peace in the time of hardships.

So from this I decided that I will think first before the thought of wrongly judging somebody comes to mind. Understand that all people make mistakes sometimes and there's a story behind everything.

Who am I to judge!?
Surely I'm not.. 

The only One who is to judge me is my Father in Heaven.

So why should I care about what other people think or say when they don't even care to ask about it?
like Dr. Seuss said...

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Although I'm talking of a personal experience of mine. This literally relates to anything! Like peoples choices in their life, what vehicle they want, what dog they have, and other silly things or much more serious things!! It also things like keeping your freaking opinion to yourself! It's your own thoughts and everyone's are different! Sure It's Ok to have an opinion, but don't think people you need to make rules from it for others to follow! 

that's what bugs me...

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

I have a friend that knows everything about me and loves me just the same. I can say whatever I want to and has never once judged me, was jealous, or thought what I wanted to do was stupid or pointless.

Instead, she encouraged me, was excited for me, or was there for me in my times of struggle.
God blessed me with a friend like her.

In return, I want to encourage her in all she wants to do and wish to be there for her in her times of struggle..

If I ever had a sister, It think this definitely what it should be like.

At this point, I'm ready to move on from where I have been. To be me at my fullest, and be around people who bring out the best in me as well.

Find out who your true friends are.

the tables have turned

oh how sweet it is...

I realized today once again how glad I am NOT to be in school anymore...
more meaning...

The dental assisting program!!! ahhhh!!!

trust me.. no one has ever spoken a good name about it... It was definitely a challenging year. 

you wouldn't think so, I mean... how hard could dental assisting be??? Not like you're going to school to be a dentist or anything!

True...BUT STILL!!

The rules, the studying, the un-organization, and everything in between was just nutzzz!!
but wait...
before i continue to ramble on this vent, i will stop, and get to my point..

Today at work, we had a dental assisting student come in from SCC to do clinical hours.

She was just in the class below me, so we kinda already knew each other.
Of coarse, we chatted about school, telling her what to look forward to, what to expect and all. I like to help them out as much as possible, cause' i know how much it stinks!
During procedures I was standing by her, watching and helping her assist the dentist to help her become a more efficient assistant. While doing this it reminded me how not to long ago at all, I was in her position and someone was watching over me and helping improve my skills at that same place. It was nice to feel that I can help out another student with my current experience! Cause' when I was in school I thought whatever assistant was training me on the site could care less that I was there. So I was determined not to appear that way to the assisting student there.

I actually thought it was pretty freaking cool to feel like I'm doing the teaching instead of the learning for once! 

I'd say this little feeling put me in a great mood at work today.. So I thought I'd share...

doo doo do do do do doo..

TODAY!
oh... what a day... amazing how you wake up and think... "hmmmm.. lets make this a good day", and it totally turns out to be that way!
I had a million different thoughts go through my head today, like how excited I was to go to church, ready to get back to the gym, even work, and all the little things in between! I feel like I'm back to my 150mph self again, and that's the way I like it! 

This morning... church... Today I found the worship in singing really sticking to me.. I must say its my favorite part. I really like to get into it, think of the words, and really praise God with what I'm singing. Song that really stuck out to me today was a song called "Inside Out".

"A thousand times I've failed, still your mercy remains. And should I stumble again,

 still I'm caught in your grace"

Those words there stuck out to me the most that no matter how many times I screw up,

 which i do a lot it seems, God is there to forgive me and pick me up again in His arms again.

It was the words I needed to hear at the time because I know He'll never leave me, He's the

greatest comfort in a storm.... 

Later at the gym... it was very nice to get back there after being sick... i just HAD to fit it into 

my day today! And im soooglad I did! Working out just boosts my mood and energy waaaay

 up afterwards! I feel like no sad thought can even leak into head, its just all good and happy

 thoughts from there on out! I go there almost every day if I can! I have a lot of my friends 

who have memberships at the YMCA, so I always seem to bump into someone I know and 

have a nice chat with. Gotta say, getting a membership and working out has definitely been

 my free time thing, since I have a lot of that now. It helps me relieve a lot of stress and keeps

my mind of certain things, so that's maybe why I'm practically addicted to it.. 

After working out, it was time to work at the good ol' Barnes&Noble. Part time job I've had for a little more than 3 years now. The people there are like family to me. I love to have fun with my job, but take it seriously when I need to be. Work is what you make it to be. You wanna have a crappy attitude then you're gonna have a crappy day of work. You decide you wanna have a happy attitude then you're gonna have a happy day of work. I always tell myself to have a good attitude when going to work and try and brighten someones day. Never fails.. I love that place so much I don't know how I'm ever going to leave. Tonight they were playing my favorite artist over the intercom system, Colbie Callait, and that just made the night soooo much better! Her song "I do" was stuck in my head allll night! Its kinda like an "I Do" as in like marriage... you got it.. ha.. My manager thought I was proposing to him a few times while singing "I do dooo do doo do do doo dooooo".. its just a happy song... When my big day comes one day, that's probably what I'll be singing when i say "I do"... maybe.. don't hold me to it, but I'll definitely be thinking it you can count on that!

heres the "i do" song in case you're wondering what it is... :)